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2001-08-02
Warren G. (�Sonny�) Harding
B. 11.2.1865 Outside Blooming Grove, Ohio / D. 8.3.1923 San Francisco, California
Pneumonia
What seems to be the problem? I have just a few moments to think of someone dead; think of something to say, preferably in two voices; research the life facts using google.com; post the final product on the internet; and go to bed�it�s very late.
Perhaps it would be best to choose someone dull and uninspiring. And yet it�s also important to choose someone very famous, whose life facts won�t be hard to find.
A president? A famous politician? Too complicated�too potentially interesting.
An athlete? Possibly an athlete�but not a talented one; I don�t have time to fashion praises.
A musician? Is Tony Orlando dead? Maybe, maybe.
Stop! Do you see what I see? Not a moment too soon�I almost picked Sonny Bono!
You DID pick Sonny Bono, then you changed your mind. The little creep already got done in the guestbook�born in Detroit, though, there�s something informative, there�s work that no one else bothered to do. Think of someone LIKE Sonny Bono.
Ringo? He�s not dead.
Do him anyway�please. I can�t, I can�t. They have to be dead.
Okay, regroup. What about�Ringo? The fact is that I could abandon the conversational form at any time�I don�t need you, I don�t need anybody.
Fine. What about Warren G. Harding? He was a president.
But not an interesting one.
Well, there was Teapot Dome, you know, there was all that�that scandal surrounding, what was it, land grants, yes I�m sure it was land grants.
I see. And? He died in office.
Anything else? Speak up! He ran a newspaper for awhile, back in Ohio. His wife supervised the paperboys and when they misbehaved she�d spank them.