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2001-05-03

Lizzie Borden
B. 7.19.1860 / D. 6.1.1927 Fall River, Massachusetts
Alcoholism (ed.)

If you were not such a great genius at getting along with other people, what would you do? I'm not sure. What are you suggesting I would do?
“Lizzie Borden thought they were birds—I ate, she testified, a pair—from the pear tree in the yard to her table, she carved them, she thought about chopping them fine but both times she tired in the heat. Her strength was without endurance, which came later.” Who wrote that?
You did. I love it! I’ve got to get to Fall River someday, I have got to make a pilgrimage—sometime dry when the sun has been scorching the flowers.

Broadcasting live from June 1893 on the steps of a Fall River courthouse where lesbian banking heiress Lizzie Borden is on trial for the BRUTAL slaying and near-dismemberment of—get this, folks—Her Own Parents, Court-TV brings you our own Mary Jane Stevenson. Hey MJ! Hey Nancy.
MJ, what can you tell us about this defendant? What's going on there? As what's been called the Trial of the Century draws to its conclusion, Nancy, I think we're all beginning to realize that there are just some things about Lizzie Borden we may never fully understand.
I’m with you on that one MJ, but wouldn't you agree there are an awful lot of things about this defendant most of us can understand pretty darn well? Like wanting a whole lot of money, for instance? And here I go again, with that notorious “paint stained” dress, we know this defendant burned what may have been the CRUCIAL piece of evidence in the prosecution's case under the very noses of her relatives AND the police by the way—I don’t think destroying incriminating evidence is so hard to understand, do you? Well in a way Nancy, that whole bizarre episode just goes to illustrate one of the most amazing things about Lizzie Borden, if in fact she committed this crime—
Hah! —which has got to be her will to get away with it.
Good point MJ—although the last time I checked, not wanting to hang from the neck until dead was a pretty powerful source of motivation. And you know what else? I’d be willing to bet there were at least two innocent people who got to have a pretty good “understanding” of Lizzie Borden—too bad we can’t ask their opinion though since somebody just happens to have turned them into shish-ke-bab!

Just take a look at these pictures, people—MJ, I’m showing our viewers photographs of the victims here, look at that sweet sweet couple. Tell us, any signs of remorse from this defendant? Not yet Nancy and it doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing one anytime soon.

Special thanks to my mother Myrna Mackie for contributing ideas

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