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2001-03-28
I�m searching around for ways to celebrate my fifth anniversary of not drinking on Sunday. I am thinking about the opera. On the whole, my recovery has been slow but steady; and in that I have not had a drink in (almost) five years, it has been complete. The arrow hits its target�and yet it can never hit the target. There�s always one more half-second to cross, and then the first half of the next half-second, and then the first half of the second half of that, and so on. It�s strange.
I toy with the idea of giving up smoking as a sort of dramatic renewal and redoubling of vows�I imagine writing, I Recommit to Health. My decision may come down to wardrobe�specifically, my favorite jacket is �vintage� (LOL!) and the lining in both pockets is busted, and I�m not about to tuck a box of cigarettes in the front pocket of my jeans when I go out. What am I, Courtney Cox?
In response to my last entry, I got a very nice note back from grouse, who writes, �I have enjoyed your writings,� partly because �they come from a world that is so different� from his own. And it gave me a little start, to be so suddenly reminded that my world isn�t necessarily the norm�I seem to myself to be so exactly like everyone else, just sitting around in my city apartment, recovering from alcoholism, watching Hollywood on TV, writing on the internet, following the fortunes of professional women�s tennis with so consuming an intensity of personal involvement as to have squandered, by now, fortunes of hours�really, how could this not be The World? And it�s here that I realize, this is exactly what they�re talking about when people tell me to stop it, I�m insane.
And yet as grouse was also kind enough to mention, my writings are sincere�at least I think they approach sincerity.